As a long time visitor to your somewhat foggy town, i feel it is important to bestow upon you all, certain uncanny hints and tips which, if properly discussed at a town meeting, may help recover your failing tourist trade and population.
*Firstly, stop religious fanatics burning small bastard children for being evil. This clearly has not worked too well in your favour so far and has clearly had an overall impact on both the violent crime rate and aesthetic qualities of the town. Very important in regards to drawing both tourists and prospective new townsfolk
*Secondly, although i feel it is somewhat connected to the first point outlined above, i feel it is important that you all seriously consider recruiting new law enforcement officers to deal with a growing problem of inhuman beasties bent on destroying all and sundry. No fellow, who may be out for a brisk walk of a fine summer eve along one of your many fine country roads, should find creatures composed entirely of mannequin legs launched/ catapulted from various bushes and trees into his oncoming path. The effect of which, i do humbly assure you, is at the very least, mildly disturbing in the undergarment meets excrement fashion. A steady and devoted police force may do much to remedy this!
*Thirdly; Gun/Medical control. Many times while walking along your fine town i have stumbled across poorly stored medical supplies and various armaments and munitions. Perhaps proper training and regulation in regards to each should be taken under advisement. When one happens upon such items, shockingly placed in such easy to reach and unexpected areas, one tends to begin questioning the underlying sanity of both townsfolk and its elected officials. Bringing me to my fourth and final point
*Psychiatric treatment for all locals. Every person i have encountered in my time in your happy little township i have met with a hearty hail and a merry wish. The usual response from the aforementioned ranges from inane gibberish to outright violent baldurdash. I suggest a round of psychiatric evaluations all round.
You’re all a pack of mad bastards
Yours in sincere hope for a better future
The Wonderful Wizard of Whine